Accountability: Recognizing Mistakes

Accountability.

We’ve talked about it before (and will again) because (not to beat a dead horse) if you don’t have it, or processes set up to support it, you will have a whole slew of issues to deal with, from lack of trust to massive turn-over.

And that goes for your personal relationships as well as your business ones.

No one likes to screw up. No one enjoys that hot flash of shame when they know they shouldn’t have said or done that thing and regret it, whether it was witnessed or not. Our conscience will readily tip us off most of the time when we make a mistake that warrants acknowledgment and apology. What we DO with that alert is actually the first step moving either towards or away from a healthier place of empowerment.

You can acknowledge the wrong-doing, apologize for the mistake, and undertake to make amends. Or you can choose to ignore the whole episode and attempt to move forward.

The secondary mistake here is in thinking that ignoring the first mistake keeps you in the power position...that acknowledging it would somehow sap your place of power to those witnessing your humility of acceptance that you were wrong. But that is not how mistakes are actually viewed by those on the receiving end. Committing a wrong and not acknowledging it (especially from a person in some standing of power) can lead to a rash of distrust. After all:

• More than likely, your error will be found out even if it was not a public one.
• Which will lead to people talking behind your back, feeding rumor mills, and passing on poor conduct as a part of your character.
• This means some people will assume you did it intentionally since you seemed to try to “get away with it.”
• Those people will lose trust in you, from employees, to clients, to friends and family.
• No one wants to work for or with a jerk. And if you aren’t a jerk who did it intentionally, you are certainly a liar for not coming clean about it. Either way--not a great look on the reputation.

Owning your mistakes without attempting to brush them off on others or ignore them gives a show of good faith to those you disclose the information to. This will actually build more trust, not less. As a customer, we want to know the business person who sold us the thing is owning the error and pledging to make it right. And that will make us more likely to keep patronizing them in the future. Because they took care of us. Same with a boss to an employee. A parent to their kid. A partner to their partner.

Allowing room for mistakes (which will happen because we are human) in your employee base and personal relationships is an excellent thing to review and build a process around. Many couples choose the “don’t go to bed angry” approach--meaning someone at some point will have to admit the error (or string of them) that led to the disagreement in the first place.

Great! So what is your company policy around mistakes? What is the process to undertake? If it’s internal to the company, do we have a series of moderated meetings with a coach or just a one-on-one sincere discussion? If it’s external, do we draft a letter to the customer, call, or send a handwritten note?

Are there further recompenses necessary based on the size of the error? Do we replace the item, upgrade their experience or send them flowers? Do we do the dinner dishes that night or go in on a massage or spa day certificate? Do we give up TV remote privileges to the kids for the day?

The key here is not a “buy-off” from the responsibility of messing up. The key is the truthful acceptance of what you did, of whom you hurt, and the pledge avoid replicating the offense. This helps to rebuild and solidify trust in you being the best “you” that you can be while also acknowledging that sometimes “sorry” just isn’t enough.

The empowerment that comes with you owning and facing your own life choices and their repercussions are so much less trying than slinking in the shadows, attempting to hide truths from finding their way out into the light. It’s okay to mess up; we all do it. Showing your team, or partner, or friends that you acknowledge this will make it all the easier for them to accept and admit their wrong-doings as well.

Because we are all in this together, and trust, so difficultly won and so easily broken, does not heal quickly.